NOW WHAT?

heh world, readers, writers and farters a like.
So tell me, how should one feel, when ur dad drops a bombshell and announce, his office is closing next week last day of the 2004 year. yes, a day before his birthday. desperate seems like a entry high on my pages long list of feelings now. But i guess its quite ok since he said that maybe its another phrase with his M'sia's CPF funds being available in 3months time. Yes, by no chance a small amount, but I think its gotta be still a bad thing right? No income for a family of 5 with 2 going thru money sucking university education, me included.
SIGHS

I've got a close fren who says no, there's no point in worrying about money and stuff cause its existance does not matter beyond the grave. Yes, but the journey to the grave. (i'm weeping inside i think right now). the journey, its tough, and my mum's worried again. Its been a cycle. a crisis of significant effects hitting my family every five years. Losing, my flat and building up the whole life from scratch again. Who can understand the pain and daily worries and the habitual urge to end it all. I know God, its silly, but its really exasperating.
But there's always ways out of this, I can give up my dream of my engineer's degree and settle for a job as a mere senior tech or assistant engineer with my good diploma. I asked myself without seeking an answer: is it really that bad? Had i been in touch with my inner wants?"

I dunno, dad says that he's could command a pretty constant and comfortable income if he ventures into this online Forex trading. He further claims that with the CPF funds as a higher capital, he could even get us thru with a life even more comfortable then now.

Now what?

I prayed.
I'm becoming so weak again. being so affected with someone's mere comments. and determine to prove otherwise. where is the self i was proud of.
Love, I truely need you now then ever. the crisis had reared its head once again. and i dunno if the months ahead would be as paved like we thought it might be.
Lord, I need you now. Look after us, my family, especially my dad. He's sick of all these stuff happening and his futile efforts to create this goal.
Its not his fault, Lord let me be there for him, in spirit and love. I have confidence in you, Dad. I really do. I know you not gonna read this at all. but I held back so many times to write to you a note of appreciation many times over the many past months.
But Lord, i know what that u made us go through had changed us, toughen us, strengthen us. I wanna thank you, your obedient servent.